It has been a couple of weeks since I last took my antidepressant. It’s not that I didn’t want to, but rather my doctor did not renew it, therefore the pharmacy would not fill it. As those two entities work it out, I am left to fend for myself. I am now starting to feel the withdrawals in my system of neurological synapses – brain zingers, dizziness, and lightheadedness. My emotional status has not shifted, which is a good thing, but I am on high alert for such a disturbance.

My medicine keeps my synapses in check. Without my antidepressant, the synapses in my brain misfire, short out, and cause undue distress physically and mentally. Any disturbance to the neurons causes me to slowly slip into darkness where nightmares run wild and heaviness rests upon my soul. I can feel the ethereal sense of dread that lies just out of reach, leaving me powerless against an unseen enemy.  

Clinical depression is weird that way. I can feel it, but I can’t touch it. I can sense it, but I can’t see or hear it. There is just an awareness of its presence. Most of the time, I can rise above it with the help of my medication. Other times, I cannot escape the invisible talons slowly piercing the depths of my soul to carry me off to darkness and eat away at my sanity. Paranoia drips from my mind and pools around me like hot lava. I question every move, thought and word spoken. If I don’t, I will drown in despair.

Tonight, I am doing well. I have won the battle without my armor of medication. Hopefully, my doctor and the pharmacist will connect soon and my system of neurological synapses will once again perform at optimum capacity without the glitches that currently plague my wellbeing.